untended clockwork...

after running around like the man on a mission i was, i found myself in the position where i didn't have anything left that needed to be done yesterday, and wound up slumped on the couch, much like a mechanical man with a dead battery, searching my head for what the next task had to be. i couldn't find anything, so i had a beer which didn't help. the second and third didn't help any either.

most of my stuff has now been moved out of RPM now and is spread out between the little unit i'm in now, and another little unit in the next block. there's still a fair bit at the house, but it wasn't crucial that i get it out so i prioritised what needed to be shifted now and got it done while i chase other options. i've just about run out of storage space in the places available to me, so the rest is going to take a mixture of patience and strategy.

i have the next week to tidy up around the edges, anyway, since i'm officially on holiday between jobs. i finished up at the old job half-way through friday and now have a week to... um... i don't know, actually. i have plans for wednesday, but that's all i have set in stone at present. bearing in mind that for the last 4 months i've pretty much always known where i was going to be for the entire week ahead this is disconcerting, if remarkably relieving. i haven't had a holiday where i've just bummed around and done Sweet Fuck All in forever so i really am going to try it this time. i'm going to have to try to relax.

relaxation didn't want to come today. after slumping for a while i started pottering around, playing with the network here which was causing a few issues. i was almost glad when it took me an hour or two to fix because it meant that i didn't notice the passage of time until my metabolism politely informed me that if i didn't eat SOON it would eject my spleen out through my side. i've not been eating much, or regularly, of late and my body seems to be getting rapidly and heartily sick of it. i'm hoping that banana chips help since it's currently all i have at hand.

my ability to relax seems to have taken a vacation generally of late. i was forcibly relaxed the other day, left sitting on a couch in a pose which i'm certain must have looked like a puppet with its strings cut, arms by my sides, head resting on the back of the couch, mouth gaping open, body refusing to respond to commands. this state took 20 minutes the achieve, and lasted 3, maybe 4 minutes afterwards. it was the closest i've been to actually passive in far too long.

now i just need to polish off all the loose ends i've left hanging while i got the main body of work out of the way. i was a little stupid about it - i took on a couple of tasks i maybe shouldn't have bearing in mind that i had my own shit on, but i'm glad i did them anyway. they made people happy... or at very least reduced their burden some. they seemed... perplexed at my willingness to assist, and determination that i'd continue until the job was done. i wanted to Help, and feel he validation of having provided Assistance. when people tell you that the work is its own reward they're usually a wanker trying to con you into doing something remarkably unpleasant. i just wanted to feel good about having done something which made some people i likes lives easier. well, one person in particular, but there were two of them involved so i'll count them both.

the concept seemed alien to them. i'd ask "so, when are we going back to finish this off?" at which point she'd give me a confused look and say "you know you don't HAVE to do this?" and i'd reply "i know that. meanwhile..."
oh well. it's done now, and that was satisfying. i'm achy and sore, but i achieved something and that makes it worthwhile.

right now i'm tired and need sleep which i know won't come for another hour or so so i'm trying to distract myself. i might see about installing a new game on my laptop and playing that until my body's ready to pass out again. certainly, gaming will make the coming week pass by more quickly, i'm sure. i know the way these things go - it'll be gone before i know it regardless of what i do. i won't mind as long as i get something constructive done in the meantime...