it's waning raven...

i've never been particularly good at doing the things that are good for me. at the moment it's all about sleep, rest and regeneration. i think it's fair to say that i've been busy. i've been pretty much permanently on the go since late november. there was a brief period in January where i spent any time i had spare lying in bed reading books, but apart from that it's been go go go. while i was overseas the last time i kinda forgot how to sleep, which knocked me around for 3 or 4 weeks until i remembered how again. this means that i got some rest, but didn't slow down the pace of activity any. this last week's been so damn busy that when i try explain it to people i go into oratory hyperspeed, and even then people have to shut up for 12-14 minutes before i get to the end of it all. by the time i'm done with my monologue they're usually sitting there with their mouths open while they process just how much i've been fitting into my days.

not that i'm trying to brag here. i've been busy, and a lot of what i've been up to has been really interesting, even for people who aren't me. the thing is that at some point i know i'm going to crash out and get really sick because my body will decide that enough is enough and pull the pin. it does that on occasion. i'm already feeling the shutdown in my head - the thoughts come slower and less crisp. like they've crawled through treacle and then a sandpit before they get to me. i know that i want to take a break and chill out but then... there are things i "have" to do. i make commitments which get called on. i miscalculate when things need to be done and wind up shoving them into my schedule. and then there are the opportunities which crop up which are too good to miss out on. the next thing i know, i've organised my week through to sunday by tuesday afternoon.

this is taking a fair amount out of me. i've been "tired" for a while, but i'm rapidly moving into the zone of "weary". i'm hoping that i can survive the next 2 and a half weeks. i have a week off. the first week in April. the back of my mind is already looking for ways to fill it with activities it considers productive, which means that i'm fighting a read-guard action so that i can fill it with as little as humanly possible. play a couple of games that have been piling up. read a few books. drink some beer. that sort of thing.

in a week and a half i move, thus negating a chunk of the joy of the coming Easter Long Weekend. a week after that i finish up at the job i've been in since July. at 5PM on March 28 i'm officially free as a bird for 9 days. if pieces keep falling into place the way they have been up until now then maybe, maybe i'll get some rest. maybe, maybe i'll last that long. there's always a price to be paid. i'm just hoping it defers until then.