demolitioned man...

it's been a week since my knee decided it didn't want to play any more. on week of near-constant pain and i'm demolished. completely fucking wrecked. last night it all got a bit much and at 5AM i sent an email into work politely advising that due to extreme lack of sleep (why the fuck else do you think i was up at 5 in the fucking morning?) i wouldn't be attending. nice work - a sickie in my first two weeks after starting a new job does NOT look good. still, i'm playing by the philosophy of "well, you've SEEN me hobbling around on my goddamn walking stick all week so you can't really think that i'm faking it or something. i'll have to take that day unpaid? whatever. watch me care."

today's been one of the worst. it's not so much the knee which is hurting anymore. the swelling's way down and i'm starting to get flexibility back. around 40degrees at this time. granted, it's usually closer to 160degrees but WTF? it's a start. it's more the muscles around the knee which have been compensating and are now heartily sick of it. add that the a night where i spent far more time awake than asleep and... i'm in pieces.

i'd actually managed to forget what it was like to live in constant pain. when i was at uni i went for years. YEARS. my back was a shambles and there were times where i couldn't walk more than 50 metres without having to stop and sit down for a minute or so. eventually a nice chinese man fixed it in about 2 hours with needles and electrodes and hot cups (no, seriously - 7 years of back pain gone in 2 visits to the accupuncturist. nice little guy who operates out of Nedlands, Perth. if you're in perth and you need help see this man.) after that sort of thing i would have thought that i could handle a week, but no. i've turned into a fucking pussy. "ooh, my knee hurts! i'm limping around the place!" and so on. my Pain Management just hasn't coped the way it used to. i can't really explain how my Pain Management works. i didn't even know i was doing it until i realised that when i get tired or hungry whatever it is that's broken hurts more than it did earlier. it seems to drain my energy reserves and in return it handles the severity of the sensation.

today, after a night of no sleep it had nothing to draw upon, which is part of the reason i've been so screwed today. on the plus side, i've also been sedentary as hell this week and i've lost half a belt-size. the problem is that i have reasonably little to lose and those reserves are going to be gone awfully soon.

i'm recovering though. i have a lot more strength in my right knee than i did even 2-3 days ago. i can walk unaided, although i'm only doing this around the house at present. i can drive without being in constant agony and i was able to hobble around the shopping centre for about an hour earlier today before i lost the ability to speak English and my communication devolved into tonal grunts. another week and i reckon i'll be back to something vaguely resembling normalcy, although it'll be a month or so before i'll sign off on anything involving extended walking. life and its challenges, i suppose. at least i can now be reasonably certain that it'll all be well and truly good by October...