Snippets #9: on togetherness...

it started to dawn on me as my mind wandered through the leavings of half a dozen different cognitive loose-ends this evening that people seem to find it insanely important that i be one of them. not me specifically, i think, more just me because i happen to be there at the time. it shows in the sorts of questions i get asked - they usually lead with: "So -

are you a foodie then?" erm... i like food?
how long have you been vegan?"actually, i'm an omnivore. i just have a lot of vegan friends...
would you consider voting for the conservative party?" not until they all commit mass-suicide.
have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour?" haven't you accepted me as yours?
... and so on.

it's always nice to know that you're part of something that's bigger than you are. that you're surrounded by likewise individuals. to be able to look around the room and think: "These are MY people. We share the same ideals. I am one of them," and know that you're all safe and happy because you all think alike. i can't say that i'm overly different - i've always enjoyed a member of a marginalised minority - in high school i was in the cynically-named "Cool Gang", at uni i was in the computer and science fiction clubs, in the real world i ride motorcycles and assume all of the self-indulgent airs that come with being fast and vulnerable. being part of a small marginalised subset makes you feel special, like you're superior to the rest of society because you stand apart and meeting other people who share your minority views or habits reinforces how much better you all are because of it.

it's all bullshit though, of couse. we all like to think we're so alternative with our shoices of food, esoteric conversations about the literary criticism of Battlestar Galactica and penchant for ludicrously dangerous forms of transport.

"Ooh, I'm so special because I choose to physically love more than one person."

no, you just like to sleep around and get laid as much as humanly possible! not that there's anything wrong with that or that i really give a crap! i don't really care if you're preferred way of getting off is to be surrounded by cossaks who jerk off all over you while you sit on a small pink stool in a frilly bonnet and insist on being called Sister Pauline while a midget in a gimp-suit shoves cucumbers up your date and a small lamb licks honey off your testicles. seriously, it's fascinating to hear about. the first time. ok, maybe the second so i can get a proper grip (pardon the pun) on the details. what i don't want to hear is how isolated you feel because society won't accept your "alternative" lifestyle repeated over and over again ad nauseum.

what shits me to tears is when people give me grief because i'm NOT in on their subculture, as if by not subscribing to their newsletter i'm automatically one of the opressors who want to stop them from doing what they want to do. seriously, as long as the midget's happy, or at least well paid, i don't give a fuck WHAT you have them shove up your arse, and as long as you don't expect me to watch or join in (and you showered before coming out to the pub) i'm sure we'll get along just fine.

i understand though. i really do. we all have things that we're interested in, and when you live a lifestyle that 67% of the rest of the people around you don't or won't understand you tend to become suspicious of the people you come across, assuming that they'll judge you for it. we all want to be accepted for who we are and the choices we make and as long as these choices don't get in the way of what other people want to do when there's no reason why we shouldn't be. having these little cliques and groups makes us feel included... validated... like we're not alone. very few people really want to be alone and throughout history people have tended to cleave towards likeminded communities - the christians in the first centuries AD, science fiction fans at conventions, gay people in King's Cross, it doesn't matter. i just would have hoped that by now we'd be at the point where people with non-mainstream lifestyles could be accepted, and likewise, where these people could be less cagey about those who DON'T.

right now i'm exploring what it's like to be an oddball without a scene. i've not searched for, nor found, an SF group here in London. i've not explored the social groups for any of my hobbies. i hang around with special-interst groups, but their interests aren't really mine. the people i hang with tend to be random rather than people who indulge in any of my particular obsessions, and the odd thing is that usually we're all pretty accepting of each other. i'm finding it pleasant that i'm "that guys who's into x, y and z" as opposed to "one of us" or "one of them", without any of the assumption that i must conform to a label... except for Australian. that one i've been wearing often, loudly and with pride. fortunately or unfortunately, with my accent it's inescapable so i might as well just go with it...