tei'm not entirely sure i'm happy with this - starting up a fresh blog, hiding it from the world. the entire point of starting an OPEN blog was to share. creating a hidden one (or even more amusingly, one that i'm pretty sure people will be able to find but not access) means that there are things that i have to hide. no, that's a silly train of thought. i have plenty to hide... it's just that i have this insane urge to write it down for some reason. there've been far too many times i've gone to say something here and had to stop, think, and rewrite, obscure, hide, obfuscate, obliterate, ignore, destroy, erase. the problem with honesty is that at some point you're going to piss someone off and it's hard to play politics if you're constantly pissing people off willy nilly. i'm also self-aware enough that there are some things that i feel i just have to tell SOMEONE, and that too is contrary to best-practice.
i've been thinking about this for a while - ever since i wrote a heavily-veiled Phase Shifting entry a couple of weeks ago. i had to say something... remaining silent was driving me to distraction, so i turned writing into a game it so that i could say what i want but i'm pretty sure no one knew what i was on about... and if they worked it out then what the hell. half the fun of the game is leaving clues for people to find and seeing if anyone pieces them together. i'd originally intended on creating a new account from scratch - an unrelated email address, a different name, nothing connected to anything anything anyone knows about or can trace (unless they manage to track my IP's), but i thought about it this evening and figured... why go to all the effort? sure, it would have been a fun game to make it difficult but at the same time possible to find this thing, but then eventually word gets out and there i am censoring myself again. there are only two and a half people on the "allow" list for it at the moment, although neither of them know it yet.
the best benefit i can see so far is that if i do bash something out in Futility i can always modify it and double-post it, thereby doubling my effective output. sure it's cheap, but not as cheap as your girlfriend.
at some point soon i'll start writing shit down, but right now i'm going to sleep. louise just got back from Spain and is busily passing out, and i was only staying up so that she wouldn't wake me when she came in. i have work in the morning. yay. boo. whatever. goodnight.
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